


Spring, Cherry Blossom and You

by kuma166



Series: Four Season of Love [1]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi, Nyongtory, daeri - Freeform, little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:49:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuma166/pseuds/kuma166
Summary: The ground was covered by the pink petals of Cherry Blossom trees when my heart was broken. But I met you when it was spring. Should I love or hate spring?





	Spring, Cherry Blossom and You

**Author's Note:**

> definitely not beta-edited :p this is one of my earlier works and damn, did i write this? This story is the first from the series and is a side story of 'After Separation', not really has a link with the other three story :'3 but I think this could stand on its own :) nvm, enjooy!
> 
> -na

I was looking at the pictures on my tablet when I realized that it’s dark outside and I was in the middle of nowhere –oh heck, I was in Japan and I just passed through Nagoya. Warm air embraced me instead of the cold weather at the beginning of spring. I saw the people around me, there were nothing but five people in the bus: the driver, assistant driver, a mom and her child, and me.

I was a heavy sleeper, but travelling at night terrified me. The thought of dying while sleeping and not knowing what happened before my death made my body activated its survival instinct. No matter how many sleeping pills I took, I would be wide awake. It’s tiring actually, because I barely slept today. I really needed some sleep because I still had things to do tomorrow morning.

I guess I would guzzle cups of coffee later.

Out of boredom, I frantically dance my thumb all over the screen of my iPod, hoping that I missed a song, an email or something, but to no avail. I had no games to play anymore and I almost memorized all the lyrics of the songs in my phone.  _Shit._  I looked out from the window. Even though it was dark outside, there were still some street lights and I could see Sakura trees blossomed. Its petals would scatter everywhere and cover the ground. The scent of cherry blossom added the romance that was there in the air.

Of course there was romance everywhere; Valentine’s Day had just passed and some happy couples were still enjoying the blossoming love. Well, except for me and some other love-fools out there. I guessed I would eat _jjajangmyun_ again this year.

That would be my… Fourth _jjajangmyun_.

It meant that I had been single for four years.

_No, no._

This year would be my sixth year being single. Since the failure of my first relationship, I never had a real one. With Daesung Hyung? It was just me and my thought. He never looked at me as a man anyway. He only thought of me as a _dongsaeng_ he never had. In his eyes, I was only a cute boy who needed some love; and he had so much love that he showered me with that.

I would never be a man he could love.

It was hard to pretend that the love was never there when it’s really obvious. I guessed he was a blind man.

***

 

 

“Hyung, what if I love you as a man to his crush, not as a dongsaeng to his hyung?”

The park was crowded with people who came to do  _Hanami_. We were sitting on a bench together, enjoying the loud cheer that was different from our home country. He was holding his hot chocolate, trying to warm his own palms. Some pink petals were on his platinum blonde hair. There were no feminine features on his body –he had abs and built body structure, thanks to his mother who had made him lifting heavy rolls of fabrics- but he was like a graceful princess. It might be only a minute or so when I was waiting for his answer, but it felt like centuries had passed but he just sit there quietly, looking somewhere far.

“Daesung Hyung? Did you hear me?” I called him.

He turned his face to look at me and sighed heavily. “I heard you clearly.”

I gulped. “So?”

“I think you know the answer, Sun-chan,” He gave a warm smile to me. “And I don’t have to answer it with words, do I?”

It was not the harsh words that hurt me, it was his love that did. His heart was not mine, but here I was, giving my heart that I knew would be his forever. I was the one who turned my face from him, looking above to the clear sky and hoping that the tears stayed still. I used all my strength to act like it was nothing.

“Sun-chan?”

His voice was almost nearing to break the wall I built to hold my tears.

“Sun-chan are you okay?”

“I- I am Hyung.”  _I wasn’t._

“You’re stuttering.”

“Were I?” I forced a smile on my face.

“I am sorry.” He’s trying to hold my hand that was on my thigh, but I unconsciously pulled it out. Maybe because I reacted to his rejection. The eyes that became bigger was the sign that he was surprised with my sudden action.

Realizing that it was a bad move, I held his hands. “Eii Hyung. It’s a joke, you know. I couldn’t ask for more love from you. You’re my Hyung who loves me like his own dongsaeng, aren’t you?”

People said that eyes are the window to look inside someone’s heart and he did look at me deeply. I crossed my fingers, hoping that I did a good job to hide what’s inside my heart.

“Sun-chan, you know, if we did have a relationship and then we broke up, we couldn’t be as good as now. No matter how good the break-up was, even though we pretended that we were okay, a break-up is a break-up and there would be hearts that scattered. You, Sun-chan, is the second last person whose heart I would break, after my mom.”

“Why did you think about break-up even before the relationship started?”

“I just…” He hung his head low and played with his fingers. “I don’t know, Sun-chan. You have a handsome face, you’re genius, you… Y-you’re too perfect for me!”

“Then be it! I will be the perfect one for you!” I snapped to him.

He just stayed silent.

I stood up and squatted in front of him. With my right hand, I cupped his cheek. “You’re just making excuses, right?”

“Sun-chan, listen,” he grabbed my hand that was cupping his cheek and held it while looking at my eyes. “I will be back to Seoul as soon as possible because I have to help my mom, leaving you here. Long distance relationship won’t work for us. I am the clingy one and looking back at your previous relationship, you will need to see me every day. How will this work out? We’ll be frustrated as we could not cuddle with each other, meet each other, or do everything together. Last but not least, Sun-chan, you have just built your career here. It’s obvious that I can’t stay here to accompany you, nor you can go back with me to Korea. Have you ever thought about that, Sun-chan? Because I’ve ever thought about that. It sucks, right?”

I stood up, but he held my hand tightly.

“It’s not that I don’t love you back, Sun-chan. It’s just me being realistic about having a relationship with you.”

I brushed off his hand and left him. I just couldn’t stay to hear his voice anymore.

***

 

I remembered that he left Japan a week after I confessed to him. At the same time, I also moved to Osaka. I needed a fresh start, so when I got new job that required me to stay in Osaka, I took it without thinking about it twice. I sold the apartment in Hiroshima and rent a small apartment in Osaka.

For one month, Daesung Hyung tried to contact me. He called, texted, and e-mailed me, but I just ignored it all. I just needed time for my own and forgot the wound in my heart.

However, I couldn’t ignore him longer than one month. He’s just a persistent man.

The first time I answered his call, he nagged at me, telling me that I was behaving like a child and he was worried. That was almost fifteen minutes before he finally asked me to say something, but the first thing that came out from my mouth was just a ‘thank you, Hyung’ and then I cried. If he was with me, I could imagine he would have hugged me and stroked my back, then he would have given me strawberry milk and stayed until I calmed down.

I decided that from that time, I would be a good friend and _dongsaeng_ from him. So I texted him, video-called him, and sent some presents to him, and he did the same. We had done this for four years without meeting each other. I’d been so busy with my job and he also had been busy to prepare his new novels.

One day, he told me that he had new boyfriend and apparently he had the same name with me: Seunghyun. When he was talking about that Seunghyun, I could feel the spark of love in his voice. I was happy for him, but then a little part in my heart didn’t want him to feel happy.

I was a mean person and I realized it. I hadn’t met someone and it frustrated me, but the job kept me busy with the thought of loving someone.

 

 

 

 

While still looking out from the window, I rested my head. The dawn was breaking and my hand was itchy to take the beautiful pictures of the sight. Of course I couldn’t take pictures because the bus was moving so fast. It’s nearing my destination and I decided to close my eyes for a moment while thinking about the concept I had to do for the next photoshoot.

***

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, shortly we will arrived at Shin-Osaka Train Station Terminal. Please check your belongings and make sure that you don’t leave anything in the bus. I hope you enjoy the ride. Thank you for choosing us. I hope to meet you all in the other time.” The assistant driver announced the arrival and I was awakened by the voice. I looked outside, it’s still early in the morning and I had some time to spend before the photoshoot.

I was too lazy to go home, so after arriving I just walked to a nearby park, hoping that there would be a bench to sit on and maybe I could take some pictures of the falling petals. It was so beautiful because the Sakura trees formed a pink gate. There’s a pedestrian path in between. Despite the cold weather, there were some uncle and aunty walking or working out there.

I took out my camera and put the strap around my neck. The sound of birds chirping and the fraction of leaves were really a good melody to my ear and I was smiling from ear to ear, enjoying the sound of nature. While closing my eyes, I took a deep breath to enjoy the fresh air. As I slowly opened my eyes, something caught my attention.

A woman was standing beautifully at the center of the Sakura tree gate. I immediately lifted my camera, set my eyes, and took some picture of her. She was wearing a long coat and a beret that couldn’t hide her half-pink and half-black, long curly hair. It’s a pity that I only saw her from her back, but I imagined she has a beautiful face.

She just stood still –perfect for me to take the picture- and I wouldn’t miss the opportunity. Then she lifted her right hand, seemingly trying to catch the falling pink petals. After a while, I checked the pictures in my camera.

I was in a daze.

I thought I’ve never taken perfect pictures like these. The lighting, the composition, the model –it’s just perfect. I took a look at her again, but she was walking away.  _Oh no!_  I tried to catch her and ran, but I was in a hurry and didn’t pay attention to the slippery fallen petals. Thanks to my Jiujitsu class, I had a good reflect and the camera was safe. I stood up and looking at the direction she headed to.

She’s nowhere to be found.

I ran again until the end of the pedestrian path, but she’s not there.

***

 

I decided to print the picture and put it on the frame. It’s in a big frame and it dominated my living room. At my small apartment, I usually ate my meals while looking out from the window, but this morning I decided to praise my masterpiece when I munched my sandwich. Seeing her as the point of my masterpiece was making me felt sorry because I didn’t take videos of her.

I went to the park almost every morning until the summer came, with a hope that she would show herself and I got to know her more. I told Daesung Hyung about her, but he laughed at me, not to forget that he said I was exaggerating the story. Too much drama involved, he said. He suggested me to look at CCTVs at the park, hoping that the camera caught her. Without knowing the reasons behind my action, I did go to some places near the park and police station to ask about the recordings. The camera did catch her movements, however, the last video showed that she’s gone with a taxi and I couldn’t track her anymore.

_Why did I do such things just to know her?_

Some nights, I would dream about her: caressing her black-pink hair, hugging her, kissing her hair; but then I would be awakened by the thought of she’s leaving before I got her name. In my dream, I never saw her face, but I just knew that she’s smiling at me with her thin lips.

 

_Damn, I think I’m falling in love with her._

_Or I’m falling in love with my imagination?_

***

 

“Riri?”

Someone tapped my shoulder and I was taken aback. I took off my headset.

“What are you do- Oh? Why are you looking at my picture?” He put his arms around my shoulder.

I kissed his hands and I heard he huffed a laugh. I held his hands and led him to sit on my lap. He obeyed me. Once again, he placed his hands around my shoulder then kissed my temple.

“Looking at the old photo while remembering our first meeting?” He giggled.

I caressed his thigh. “Yeah. I just can’t believe that girl is mine now.”

“Correction. That  _boy_.”

“Whatever, Ji. You dressed like a girl that time.”

“Couldn’t you see the ripped skinny jeans and the boots I wore?”

“Skies Ji, I only looked at your back and I was mesmerized by your silhouette. It’s not my fault that I didn’t see your ripped skinny jeans or your boots. You didn’t face me anyway!”

He laughed. “Okay, okay. But it’s your fault not to catch me!”

“Do you want me to repeat the story why I couldn’t catch you over and over again like a broken tape?”

“You fell down, bla, bla, bla… And you had that picture in frame and you put that on your living room and bla, bla, bla again…” He mocked me and stuck out his toungue.

I stayed silent for a moment and stared at his face. “You’re beautiful, graceful, you…” I looked deeply at his eyes. “Those hazel orbs of yours…”

“Eiii… Stop staring at me, Riri!” He covered my eyes with his hand. “I’m embarrassed.”

I pinched his cheek. “ _Aigooo…_  Since when you’re shy like this? I don’t see a fierce dragon at all. Why do people say that they are terrified by you?”

“I don’t know. I can’t unleash my dragon attitude when I’m in front of you.”

“I guess I have tamed the dragon, huh?” I smirked. I pulled his chin towards my face.

“Yes you have, my prince.” He smiled against my lips. “I love you.” Then he placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

 


End file.
